How to talk to your partner and family about retiring overseas

How do we talk about it when one of us is keen and one is not?

Start with what each of you wants and what each of you worries about, before anyone mentions a country. Our page for couples where one is keen and one is not sure goes further. The keen one may already have a place in mind, and the unsure one a list of things they’d miss, or worries about health, money or being far from family. Hear both out in full before anyone argues.

Some ways to start:

• Each write down three things you want from the next ten years, then compare.
• Each name the thing you would find hardest to leave. Take it seriously, even if it is small.
• Separate the facts from the feelings. Pension rules, visas and costs can be looked up. How you feel about being away cannot be argued out of you.
• Agree that “not yet” and “not like that” are fair answers, and that “no” is too.

How can a hesitant partner try it without committing?

With a short trial that changes nothing at home. A winter away of 6 to 12 weeks means you keep your house as it is, and if you get the Age Pension, coming home inside 12 weeks keeps the Pension Supplement.

Agree the review before you leave: the date, the questions you’ll each answer, and that either of you can call it off. A trial that ends with “this is not for me” has done its job. Our guide to trying it before you move sets out the longer steps too.

Make the trial fair to both of you. Let the unsure partner choose some of it, such as the length, the place, or the date you come home. If the trial only suits the keen partner, you won’t learn much from it.

What will our adult children want to know?

Mostly, what happens if something goes wrong. Have the answers ready, and put the plan in writing so they can find it later.

What they ask	What helps to have ready
Where exactly will you be?	Your address, your dates, and how to reach you.
What if you get sick?	Your insurance policy, its emergency number, and what it covers, including a flight home.
What if you die over there?	Your wishes, an up-to-date will, and who your next of kin is.
Who is looking after the house?	Who has the keys, and who to call about a problem.
Are you sure about the money?	That you have checked the rules, with Services Australia and an adviser. You do not need to share the figures.

Smartraveller says to talk to your family about your wishes if you die overseas, because bringing someone home or holding a funeral overseas can be hard and costly for family. It also says to keep next-of-kin contacts up to date on your passport application, your health insurance policy and your will.

How do we stay close to the grandchildren?

Work out the dates you’d hate to miss and plan your time at home around those. A winter away leaves you home for summer, Christmas and the school holidays. Two bases, about half the year in each, can be set around birthdays and school terms. Our page on retiring overseas with grandchildren in Australia has more ideas.

• Set a regular video call time, and keep it.
• Send the small things: photos of the market, a recording of a story, a postcard.
• Invite them to visit. Seeing where you live makes the distance feel smaller.
• Ask their parents what would help most. It may be practical, like school pick-ups when you are home.

What if my family is against it?

Listen first. Some of the worry can come from not knowing the plan, so once they’ve had their say, show them it: the insurance, the way back, how they can reach you. You could also ask them to help with parts of it.

It’s your decision, and you don’t need their permission. A family that understands the plan is better placed to help if something goes wrong, though.

What should we sort out before we go?

A handful of jobs make things easier on your family. Each comes from Smartraveller’s advice, or is a question for the right professional.

Job	Who can help
Review your will, and your estate if you buy anything overseas	A lawyer, in Australia and in the country you move to
Decide who can act for you if you cannot	A lawyer, about powers of attorney
Agree a family security question, so they can tell it is really you	Your family. Smartraveller suggests this against scams: see overseas retirement scams.
Subscribe to Smartraveller alerts for where you will be	Smartraveller. There is no trip registration any more.
Tell Services Australia if you will be away more than 6 weeks	Services Australia, through myGov or 132 300
See your doctor at least 8 weeks before you go	Your GP. Smartraveller suggests a check-up.

An example, not real people

Di is 66 and keen on Hoi An, in Vietnam. Graham is 68 and worried about leaving his mother, who is 91, and the grandchildren. They agree on this, in writing:

They agree	Why it helps
Ten weeks away, from mid June	Home before 12 weeks, for the Pension Supplement and for Graham’s mother
Graham’s sister checks on his mother weekly, with a video call on Sundays	Graham’s biggest worry has a plan
A family video call every Saturday	The grandchildren see them often
A review in October, with three questions each	Either of them can say “not again”

What this means for you depends on

• What each of you wants, and what each of you would miss.
• Who in your family depends on you, and who could help in your place.
• How far away you go, and how easy it is to fly home quickly.
• Your health, and whether you can get insurance that covers a flight home.
• Whether you start with a trial, or a bigger step.